Sometimes, you just have to take that first step toward something new, and never look back…or, why I’ve decided to delete my archives and start my blog all over again.
You know how they say that if you want to start something new, you have to leave the old things behind? Well, this post is a proof of that.
I have wanted to come back to this space over and over again, but each time, my enthusiasm faded away after a few short weeks. It’s not that I didn’t know what to write about. Quite the contrary – I have pages upon pages of my bullet journal filled with ideas and snippets of new posts. The problem was, I didn’t know how to reconcile the old me, with this new person I’ve become. I was looking at my old posts and pictures, and while they made me appreciate how far I’d gotten, they also reminded me constantly of the past I wanted to leave behind. And thus, my old blog has become a source of guilt and anxiety, instead of being a place for inspiration and creative fulfillment. Suddenly, the archives became daunting – like the kind of legacy that would forever be a part of your past, but that you don’t want to define your future anymore.
It’s hard to believe sometimes, but I’ve been blogging since 2010. Over the course of the years, my blog changed its name and focus several times. It has been the witness of my evolution both as a writer and most importantly, as a person.
When I started my first blog, I was fresh out of university, with big dreams that, at the time, failed completely and miserably, and thus, I had no clear idea of what I would become “when I grew up”. My interests were all over the place. I had never even heard of the word “niche”, and I blogged about whatever struck my fancy at the time. Fashion, beauty, food, home decor, shopping…anything went.
Then, life happened. I underwent some pretty drastic changes, and in the midst of all the drama, my blog fell completely by the wayside. While adjusting to a dramatically different life situation, learning the ropes of a brand-new-to-me industry (cable confection, anyone?), and trying to figure out my next steps, I couldn’t be bothered to put together cute outfits, review nail polishes, or follow the latest runway shows. I was becoming a new person, and at the time, I couldn’t figure out a way to take my blog on that journey with me.
I popped in occasionally, with a new post and grand plans to “do it all better this time“, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. Truth is, for a brief moment, I even debated closing this space altogether and moving on to something else. But I couldn’t bring myself to writing that one last post. I couldn’t kill this space that had played such a huge role in my own personal evolution. So I let it hibernate and I tried to stop beating myself up for being a “bad” blogger (that didn’t really work). I focused fully on the most important areas of my life, and trusted that when the right time came for me to put on my writer’s hat again, I would know it.
And boy, has that time come, indeed. The itch to write and share has come back in full force. But it has also come with a great deal of soul searching. In those months away from blogging, I have changed and evolved. My priorities have changed. So have my interests and passions. And I want and need my blog to change with me.
See, this year I turned 30, and a new pair of shoes, a cute skirt or the latest shade of nail polish don’t fire me up anymore. I still love a good shopping spree, but it doesn’t make me jump out of my bed in the morning. Learning the ropes of running a small business does. Building and nurturing a new relationship does. Wrapping up a difficult work project, making my apartment a home, traveling the world, reading inspiring books, creating, making delicious things in my kitchen, learning constantly and growing as a person, as a girlfriend, as a daughter, as an entrepreneur…these are the things that light the fire inside my soul, that make me wake up in the morning full of energy and excitement for a brand new day.
This new person that I’m becoming simply isn’t able to identify with the old blog anymore. The time has come to tell a different story of who I am and what I do, and this new story needed a new name, and a new space to unfold in. That’s why I’ve removed all the old blog posts from my new website, and only kept the lucky few (four, to be exact) that correspond to my life the most right now. I have a head (and a notebook) full of new ideas for topics, posts and things I want to write about, and I was craving a clean slate to do so. I didn’t delete my archives – all those old posts are like journal entries speaking about my lives past, and I would be devastated to lose them completely. Instead, I’m keeping them on my old website, while I’m trying to decide what to do with them ultimately. But I don’t want them to interfere with my new blog, my new focus and the new direction my life has taken.
It feels slightly dramatic and a little bit terrifying, and I’ve been agonizing over this for weeks (if not months). But once I took the plunge, I’ve acquired a new sense of calm and purpose that I’d been missing all this time. I feel excited about these new beginnings, and most importantly, I feel excited about blogging again. I’ve been missing this feeling dearly.
Thank you so much for bearing with me and for reading, and I’m looking forward to making this space a source of inspiration to us all.
Cheers to the charming new beginnings!